Today I shared a quote from Brene Brown on my Facebook, someone had shared it and it really hit home for me, so I decided to share it too (pasted below). I’ve had this weird ‘woo woo’ feeling if you will, the last few months and the best way I can describe it is transitional. I have a lot going on in my life right now, and so do all of my friends and family. Everyone is walking through their own storm. But it’s like I feel and see what is going on, more obvious than usual.
I am a very stubborn, hard headed person and I know that God has been giving me little messages for a little over a year now, and I have been ignoring them. Go figure. The first message is Prioritize. This has showed up in both my work and personal life. I have so much gong on that I do what a lot of people do and totally shut down. There is so much to do that I don’t know how to get a handle on, that I just throw my hands in the air and hope it all works out. And I’m guessing I’m not the only one.
I have little streaks of awesome prioritization where I am just on top of my game, task-listing it up. Then all of a sudden I am back to square one. It’s been an annoying and vicious cycle the last year. But the message keeps repeating itself to me basically saying that if I can find time to prioritize, things won’t be as hard as I am making them. Big duh right there. But again – I’m stubborn, so there’s that.
The other message I’ve received is Relax. I have been an over-worrier and an over-thinker my entire life, and I swear it is progressively getting worse. I never just ‘relax’. I have these little blissful moments of relief, where I truly am relaxed, but they are so quickly here then gone that I feel I barely experienced it at all. The weirdest part is this never used to happen to me so frequently. I look back to the ‘simpler days’ (you know before adulting) and remember how incredibly bubbly, joyous, and cheerful I was. Just thinking about that – I can feel the difference compared to where I am at now and it is simply befuddling.
Another message I’ve been repeatedly reminded of is Slow Down. I am the type of person who takes on way too much at one time. What can I say, I love to help people and I love feeling accomplished. But of course there is a time when the scales tip and slide into negativity when you take on too many things. This also ties into my Prioritize and Relax problems – again, duh. The ‘funny’ thing about the Slow Down message right now, is for once I did not purposefully take on too many tasks. I have a wedding in 2 months, my day job is an event planner and marketing director for a magazine, and I also design websites for small businesses after my 9-5, AND I also do legal billing for a few clients 3 times per month.
I acquired all of these ‘jobs’ throughout the last year and a half, but they have accumulated and all become very important and demanding seemingly all at the same time. Oh and don’t forget about the approaching wedding. So yeah, to put it simply I feel as if I am going crazy and no one can stop this train.
I’ve even had crazy vivid dreams lately that all have symbols in them representing rebirth, growth, childhood, transition…(yes I use a dream dictionary) 😉
So let’s get to the happy part, because damn that was some heavy shit, but it felt good to let it out and put it into words.
While perusing Facebook today I stumbled across this quote from Brene Brown that someone had posted:
“I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”
And man did I need to hear this.
I know I am not going through a ‘crisis’, not at all, but I am definitely going into a growth phase of my life, a big one at that. I know it’s big because I am fighting it with all I’ve got. It sounds so stupid that I would be fighting against this, but being a human it also makes sense. People are afraid of change. Not only that, but people are also afraid of changing, themselves. I mean, I have been the ‘same’ person for many years now sure I have grown and have seen some long-term changes transpire to get me to who I am today. But long-term, drawn out growth isn’t as scary as the growth I feel knocking on my door right now.
I am so excited and so intrigued, but at the same time wanting to run away as quickly as I can.
Saying something and then doing that something are two different things, we all know that. And even though the traits I have struggled with and received messages about are negative – Prioritize, Relax, Slow Down it is hard to walk away from what I have known for so long. And that my friends is why I feel like a crazy person – lol.
But here is the most beautiful thing about that post that I read, then re-shared. The impact it had on the people who liked it, commented on it, and messaged me about it was breathtaking. To be honest I didn’t think it would really resonate with anyone in the way that it did. I thought it would just be another inspirational, hoorah post I was sharing. But instead, it opened the door to conversations of people who have been through exactly what I am going through now, and them encouraging me that as soon as I get out of my own way, the shift will happen – kind of like magic.
And the thing is, I had this realization just last night actually, that I am standing in my own way. Then to read this post the next day by a random (legitimately random FB friend – he is part of a group I am part of, that is the only reason we ‘know’ each other) kind of blew my mind. I think I actually stopped breathing the moment I read it.
It is not going to be easy for me to get out of my own way – again saying something and then doing that something is not the same thing. But I will say that I am even closer to ‘ready’ than I was before today. I am ready to leave all of this ‘crap’ behind me and move onto better things. Just sharing this post with you already gives me a freeing feeling.
My ‘armor’ is preventing me from growing and it is time to shed the behaviors that have gotten me here, because they cannot take me to the next level. I have to let go to grow.
I hope this post has hit something personal for you, in a good way. If so, please share this post and/or Brene’s quote with someone 🙂
“Just like the lotus we too have the ability to rise from the mud, bloom out of the darkness and radiate into the world.” – Buddha