There is A LOT of life advice on the market today, everywhere you turn there is a new self-help book, or new article with the top tips to improve yourself and/or help you find the real you. Well, I’ll beat you to the punch and say this is another one of those articles (sort-of). My hope though with this specific article is that it will provoke real, fire-under-ass lighting change and a sense of purpose that will continue to grow as the days go on. IF this works how I intend it to, you hopefully won’t have to read another article or book because you are still lost on who you are, what your purpose is, or what your passion might be.
Let’s get to it.
1. Seek God First
Uh oh, she said the “G” word. That’s right. Now what I mean when I say the word “God” is to say, follow whatever “God” might be to you personally. For me, I am a Christian and Jesus is whom I follow. For you, it may be a Buddhist practice, or I know many people like to refer to God or the Creator as “The Universe” or a “Higher Power” or even their “Highest Self”. And that’s great, truly I don’t care who God is to you in your life, and you shouldn’t care what anyone else believes either.
When you seek God first, you are putting your own agenda aside and telling God (Universe, whatever, whomever) that His/their/its – (shit this is getting complicated) for the sake of easiness, I will refer to God, as, well, God. Anyway, you are telling God that his agenda is much greater than your own and he knows exactly the best path for you in life. The reason you feel so lost in the first place is because you have strayed from the path. AND THAT IS TOTALLY NORMAL, so stop being mean to yourself for feeling like a fuck up, or a loser, or like you’ll be forever lost. No matter if you are a Christian, Buddhist, Yogi, etc. etc. everyone has a path meant for them in life. What that doesn’t mean however is that that path is definite. We are human and we do some dumb shit and we make mistakes. And we are all also born with free will to do what we want with. This is also normal. Feeling better so far? Good, now breathe.
Your path is not set in stone, each step is not defined before you take it, no. This life is up to your interpretation and you can live it however you want! But you know that voice inside of your head (God) that says, “This doesn’t feel right”, or “I would love it if I could be ____”, you know that voice and those thoughts right? You should listen to them. That right there is your guiding path to where you are meant to be. Note that I say guiding because again, your life is not a set of pre-determined steps you must walk.
2. STOP Reading Self Help Books and Articles
Totally counterintuitive right? But I mean it. I can’t tell you how many countless (more than I would like to admit) self-help books and articles I have read in the past couple of years. I’m not saying that these resources aren’t going to help you, because they will. And there are really a lot of good ones out there. But the problem is we think in order to become the person we want to be we have to study how to be different. And when you think of it in real terms like that it sounds pretty damn silly, right? Ok here is a cheeseball metaphor, the caterpillar doesn’t have to read books or do endless Google searches to learn how to turn itself into a butterfly – it just DOES!
At some point when you’ve realized that you’ve read at least 5 self-help books (in the span of a year to two) and countless articles each week and haven’t done shit to actually execute on the information you’ve learned, how did that benefit you? Sure, you may have put into motion a few things from what you’ve read, but it didn’t give you the profound change you were looking for, otherwise you wouldn’t keep jumping on every catchy titled self-help article or the newest self-help book to hit the shelves.
The reason that you are attracted to these materials is because you are living vicariously through the person who wrote them. You read about their transformation and incredible growth and you can feel what that feels like. And you want it so damn bad for yourself. But just by reading the book you won’t get those same results. One, because you most likely won’t execute anything new in your life from it, and two because after you’ve read the book the high that you got from it lingers for a time and then burns out. Then you’re onto the next one. It’s a vicious cycle.
So if this is you, who has read countless books and articles, even if you are in the middle of one of those books right now, PUT IT DOWN. And take action. START NOW, STOP READING and just be YOU! No book is going to tell you how to be you! Was that book written for you? NO! It was written as a perspective for many many people. Break the cycle and just start being more YOU every single day.
3. Be Incredibly Selfish
Now I don’t mean this as be an asshole to others and stop caring about others. What I mean is you must be selfishly and unapologetically you. Before you can be good to other people, you have to be good to you FIRST. Everyone has gotten this relationship advice before who was struggling to find a significant other, “Just do the things you like to do, whatever that may be, hang out at the places you love, chances are the love of your life is probably there too you just haven’t met them yet.” And when you hear this, it instantly pisses you off right? Becuase to you, you have been doing all the things you like and no one has come along. But you’re lying to yourself.
You may be doing the things you like, but the whole time you are thinking and examining every situation of where this “love of your life” might be. Your internal monolgue goes something like this, “Is it that cute guy /girl by the bar, or the shy guy/girl over on the other side of the room, or maybe it’s no one here at all!” The problem with this is that you are focusing SO much on these other people, that you aren’t acting like yourself. You talk different and use different body language to try and see if any of these people will take notice of you. So really you aren’t being yourself at all, you’re worried, stressed, and also unsure of how to present yourself.
I DO like this advice though of doing the things you love to try and find your soulmate. And really just doing the things you love in general. Of course, it’s not a guaranteed way to find a mate, but the other part to this is that you are becoming more and more YOU every time you do what YOU love. And you discover things about yourself that you probably didn’t know before. And by doing this you naturally grow into being more YOU. Why should someone find you interesting, funny, cute, sexy, if you don’t even think these things about yourself?
4. Stop Giving a Shit About What Other People Think
This directly relates to the previous point. If you are unapologetically you, then you don’t give two shits about what other people think of you or the things you like to do. Those people aren’t your people. Surround yourself with the people who support who YOU are and don’t try and change you. Now, of course, if you’re a hardcore druggie I would definitely suggest you get some better friends, but for the sake of conversation, let’s just say you aren’t.
Also, and I’m sorry because this will hurt your feelers a little bit, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT.
For real. No one else gives a shit about what anyone else is doing or thinking. At the core, we are all good people, but we are damn selfish and care about what WE want. Worrying about what others think is a foolish waste of time. Becuase, and I’ll say it again, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. So why worry and give a shit about if people give a shit about you, because they DON’T give a shit. DO YOU BABY.
5. The Most Important Step
Stop reading this article, and get your ass in gear. You DO NOT need to read another book or article or worry about what people will think of the real you – fuck them. Your vibe attracts your tribe. Be you, in all of your ridiculous, goofy, weirdness and never, ever apologize for it. Listen to that inner voice that is trying to desperately break out. Now go be an inspiration to others and DO YOU.